Monthly Archives: October 2008

Kindle Theatre: Tony Appleby’s Podophiliac Dinner

A virtual dinner without the use of feet.


Buy a chicken, and put it in the sink. Boil a kettle of water and then pour this over the chicken to make it’s skin contract.

Stuff the chicken with garlic, parsley and lemon.


Wash potatoes, and other preferred root vegetables.


cut them up and, if they are potatoes – par boil them

having a nightmare with the induction hob as it doesn’t like water to be on it, so when the saucepan bubbles over and the water splashes onto it, it tells me there is a fault…’s a hob in a kitchen – water is a vital part of cooking.



check potatoes are boiled and if they are soft drain them into a pan and shake them to rough them up

1928 the potatoes are too soft… but they are going in with the chicken

1931 start making mince pies Tony has arrived and we are talking about when we do the Podophiliac meal with feet. He says he will write the menu up and we will publish it next month. The chicken is in the oven and Emily is starting on the mince pies. Tony is eating salad and drinking gin.

1945 have looked at the website and the formatting is not so good, not dissimilar to the challenge of typing whilst cooking.Barbara Bonney cd is playing. 1946: interval 

1954: cut parsnips and par boil them… grate parmasan

2034: the parsnips have been in the oven for 30 minutes.

In the oven there is a chicken and potatoes and parsnips. Now start to boil the green vegetables, e.g. brussel sprouts, and whatever you do, do not forget to baste the chicken, even if you are dancing to MF Doom and trying to read Simone Weil. continue to assemble the mince pies whilst waiting for the chicken to finish it’s cooking.

2100: Tony – invitations – Genghis Khan, just have to drain green vegetables

2102: Tony said -invitations – Julius Caesar, Abraham Lincoln, Alfred the Great.

2103: …. Neil Armstrong, he liked small (in)steps

2104 this kitchen is like a steam room

2105  Anyone from history except … CENSORED

2105: Mary Magdalene,

2110 make a gravy from the juice of the bird and the wine we hope you are drinking and pour it into a jug when mixed all together. Get someone to cut the chicken. 2119 assemble in your own stlyle and serve2133